I want to be one of those people who does yoga and eats berries for breakfast, but I’m one of those people who stays in bed until 4 pm and eats pizza.
I am definitely and joyfully, after many years of hard and painful work, both of these people.
The Disappearing Act: Fighting Disordered Eating as a Masculine-of-Center Woman
Yesterday I went on a date with my fiancée. We were getting her engagement ring resized (too big the first time around) and there’s a French place just across the street from the jeweler. They serve, hands down, the best crêpes I’ve had since I lived in Paris. So yesterday for lunch I had: one La Fin du Monde beer (made in Quebec, my favorite beer right now); one buckwheat crêpe with scrambled…
Fuck, this is a well-done article and it’s good to see it.
I love how strong and wild they look.
I know you have to remain open to people getting whatever they’ll get out of your music, but it was sort of exhausting and disheartening to know that a certain portion of my audience was attracted to the music because they thought it was a fairy tale or ‘whimsical’ or ‘childlike’. I would hear these words so often, it was like, ‘are you listening? Like, I’m really proud of this part I wrote, it’s really good, it’s fucking hard to play, and I’ve spent hours a day practicing. I’ve spent so long refining this, I think it’s really good. Will you please listen to the songs?
after a point it really is like, hey, you know, you don’t need to live every day and see every thing as “person whose past is this.” well no, maybe i should speak for myself. ready? i’m going to mix some serious metaphors: hey self, after a certain point you know you really don’t need to see your whole life through a lens of your past. you don’t need to qualify your experience because of identities you used to have or even damage that you can still feel. the present really isn’t just a pinnacle of stinking past you’re sitting on.
you’re on level ground.
so. don’t try to swallow yer whole future at once…and realise you’re not choking on the past anymore;
inhale, exhale, it’s the present.
How to talk to your daughter about her body, step one: don’t talk to your daughter about her body, except to teach her how it works.
Don’t say anything if she’s lost weight. Don’t say anything if she’s gained weight.
If you think your daughter’s body looks amazing, don’t say that. Here are some things you can say instead:
“You look so healthy!” is a great one.
Or how about, “you’re looking so strong.”
“I can see how happy you are – you’re glowing.”
Better yet, compliment her on something that has nothing to do with her body.
Don’t comment on other women’s bodies either. Nope. Not a single comment, not a nice one or a mean one.
Teach her about kindness towards others, but also kindness towards yourself.
Don’t you dare talk about how much you hate your body in front of your daughter, or talk about your new diet. In fact, don’t go on a diet in front of your daughter. Buy healthy food. Cook healthy meals. But don’t say “I’m not eating carbs right now.” Your daughter should never think that carbs are evil, because shame over what you eat only leads to shame about yourself.
Encourage your daughter to run because it makes her feel less stressed. Encourage your daughter to climb mountains because there is nowhere better to explore your spirituality than the peak of the universe. Encourage your daughter to surf, or rock climb, or mountain bike because it scares her and that’s a good thing sometimes.
Help your daughter love soccer or rowing or hockey because sports make her a better leader and a more confident woman. Explain that no matter how old you get, you’ll never stop needing good teamwork. Never make her play a sport she isn’t absolutely in love with.
Prove to your daughter that women don’t need men to move their furniture.
Teach your daughter how to cook kale.
Teach your daughter how to bake chocolate cake made with six sticks of butter.
Pass on your own mom’s recipe for Christmas morning coffee cake. Pass on your love of being outside.
Maybe you and your daughter both have thick thighs or wide ribcages. It’s easy to hate these non-size zero body parts. Don’t. Tell your daughter that with her legs she can run a marathon if she wants to, and her ribcage is nothing but a carrying case for strong lungs. She can scream and she can sing and she can lift up the world, if she wants.
Remind your daughter that the best thing she can do with her body is to use it to mobilize her beautiful soul.
I believe in love. I believe in myself enough to take a leap of faith to join with someone else in heart and soul. And I believe so deeply in another human that I am willing to say yes to support their heart and soul as well.
Q:Maybe if I get skinnier he'll love me.
Your body is not a house that you have to clean up before guests come. Your body is yours and yours alone. If he doesn’t love you, then he doesn’t love you. Your body is not the offering or the deal you make, okay? I know that feeling, that thought process. Maybe if I just lost the weight, I’d be lovable. Stop it in its tracks. You are the most important person in your life. Love yourself more than the idea of being good enough for someone else. You are a force of nature, okay? Be here. In your body. You’re allowed.